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Softly your memory...

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Sinibaldi
Posts :28
Joined: 11-21-2009
 
 
Softly your memory...
Sinibaldi Posted: Wed, Mar 28 2012 10:46 AM Reply

Like a

luminous flower

your delicate

sadness returns

near a white

dream....

 

Francesco Sinibaldi

 
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JEHSA
Posts :3
Joined: 04-03-2012
 
 
Re: Softly your memory...
JEHSA replied on Fri, Apr 6 2012 3:05 AM Reply

I like the title. The structure seems off. When a new line is formed, I make a slight pause when reading, so

"Near a white

dream"

doesn't  seem to have much rhythmic value. Those two lines also seem out of place with the rest of the poem. Its quite dreamy, which is nice. I'd like to see more than one paragraph of this. I used to write short one paragraph poems when I first started writing, but they often leave the reader wanting for content and meaning. Its like releasing a 16 second song.

 

Don't get me wrong, there are great short poems. Its all about execution. Poetry is usually about translating thoughts and feelings to a reader or listener. Short poetry often leaves no room for interpreting or discerning meanings. It might not really tell a story, just a statement of stray thoughts and feelings.

 
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