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The Gruesome Double Header Part I
Two weeks before Christmas vacation, I’m watching a film on scoliosis in Miss Newhous’ Special Ed. class. Maybe it’s okay for everybody else. But right now, it’s too much for me. When the film shows an older man using a large oxygen tank like Mom’s father used, I feel the blood go out of my face.
Mrs. Katona, the classroom aide, looks over at me and says, ‘Julie, are you alright? You’re white as a ghost.’
Good thing the room’s dark, so nobody sees how scared I am. It feels like I’m gonna puke, if I don’t pass out first.
"I’m okay." Liar! You know you want to rush out of here as fast as you can! But I can’t, because somebody’d run after me. A voice inside me says I should call the doctor right away. Doc’s words pop in my head. ‘And you, young lady, if you have any questions, you call me.’But I still can’t find the guts after two months.It's hard enough to talk about problems at school. Actually discussing my fears about the spinal fusion isn't even imaginable. I want to ask, 'What the hell kind of medicine do you give for pain?' And 'How do you do a major surgery like this without killing a kid?' But since the surgery got scheduled, all I can say is, 'Jesus,Mary and Joseph, am I gonna be alright?' The surgery is in three weeks.
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The worst thing is, I know I'll be having a second surgery before I get out, so I can straighten my legs. My hamstring tendons are so tight right now, that I have to stand with my knees bent. When people ask anything about what's going to happen in surgery,I say, 'I'm in for a doubleheader!' Sick, yeah, but if I don't joke about it, I'll go crazy. If I wasn't born with Cerebral Palsy, I wouldn't need surgery at all.
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Over the weekend, I push the film out of my mind. But I can't stop worrying about the hospital. The last time I stayed over night, I was five. I'm almost thirteen now.
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Wednesday, Mrs Groene, the school nurse,walks into the music room, where the whole sixth grade’s together. She tells me, ‘We’re going to see the film on scoliosis. You can be excused if you want to. You don’t have to sit through it again.’
But there’s no place else I’m supposed to be. And it can’t scare me this time as much as as it did last week. So I say, ‘It’s okay, I don’t mind.’
What makes me want to talk about scoliosis at the end of the film? Do I have mush for brains? Just thinking about surgery is driving me up the wall. Mrs Groene lets me talk.
'Hey everybody, scoliosis screening's really important. You don't want to have to have a spinal fusion.' Nobody besides Mrs. Groene says a word.
' How did you get scoliosis? she asks.
' It's mostly because I have C.P. Mom has scoliosis too, because she fell out of a tree.'
' I guess you got a double whammy, didn't you?' she asks.
'I’m not sure about that, I might've had curvature anyway. But it can come from bad posture. So everybody sit up straight.'
When we all leave the room, I wish kept my mouth shut. I'm embarrassed, and more nervous than ever.
On Friday, something totally embarrassing happens. I show up at school in a dress and tights, ready for my Social Studies presentation on Austria. Everybody has a different country. We're supposed to write a letter to the embassy of the country, and use the information we get back to write a report. We're also supposed to bring a dish that represents the country. I might have time to get it together, if not for surgery. I don't know I've got the dates mixed up. The presentations aren't until February. So here I am, all dressed, with a sad carton of shortbbread cookies, and a half finished report, feeling like a complete idiot.
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Grandma comes up from Kentucky for Christmas. She wants to be with me as much as possible, in case anything goes wrong. But it seems like a lot of trouble to come for Thanksgiving, and come back for Christmas. When Dad’s family comes for a Christmas party, she goes to Aunt Paula’s house for the night. She’s Mom’s mother, not Dad’s, and she doesn’t want to feel funny.
Aunt Nancy shows up with a great big Snoopy for me to take to the hospital. It’s a nice thing to do. But old toys are better for cheering me up.
My sister Jeanne’s eight years old. She picks up her package from Aunt Joanne.
‘Is it underwear?’ she asks, and starts shaking it. It makes noise, so we know it’s not underwear. When she opens it, everybody laughs except Aunt Joanne. Jeanne’s disgusted. She says, ‘I’d rather have the underwear!’It’s a box of Triominoes. Aunt Joanne doesn’t care that there are four kids in our house, and we now have four boxes
of Triominoes.
Even with everything that’s on my mind, I still have a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It’s just part of Christmas. When Dad snaps a picture Christmas morning, he either uses a flash he doesn’t need, or doesn’t use it when he should. I wind up with red eyes, that look like I’m demonically possessed.
Mom and Dad get me a pretty yellow flannel nightie, and a Holly Hobbie robe.
We get a milkshake maker from Grandma. The coolest thing on the planet!
When Grandma’s ready to leave, she says, ‘I’ll be back in the spring, after everything’s was over with.’ We don’t normally see her more than twice a year. But she wants to be here if we need her.
Cousin Lori comes over when our parents go out on New Year’s Eve. She’s three
years older than me. Mom doesn’t want us home alone, in case of an emergency. Lori’s my favorite cousin.I’m just a little happier when I’m with her. She’s tall, with blond hair, blue eyes and freckles. She brings a chocolate cake to share with us.
We’re watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. Just before midnight, when the ball in Times Square starts to drop, she lights a candle in the middle of the cake, and brings it into the family room.
‘Okay everybody, make a wish’
‘I’ve only got one wish for the New Year’ I say a little seriously. ‘I know what that is.’ Lori says casually. ‘Let’s all wish the same thing. Ready! One- Two-Three!’
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