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Opening Section- 12 Savage Street

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ethan.kinkle784
Posts :16
Joined: 02-26-2012
 
 
Opening Section- 12 Savage Street
ethan.kinkle784 Posted: Mon, May 21 2012 9:14 AM Reply

Hey all:

 

I'm still working on editing my first book, and I want to thank you all for taking the time and reading what I've posted. The feedback has been very helpful. I just graduated college and am on vacation down in Charleston, SC- in my opinion, the most beautiful city in America. I've been inspired to start my next work, something VERY different than the first, and I thought I'd go ahead and post what I've started. Started writing last night, so this is about as new as it gets. Hope you enjoy!!

 

12 Savage Street

By: Ethan Kinkle

Chapter 1

A gentle cross breeze moved through the piazza as the boy gently swung back and forth, gaze turned toward the street. The tepid South Carolina heat hung low in the air, beads of humidity gathering on the railing, and the thick white columns. The boy always managed to find his way to the porch in the late of the afternoon heat. He never seemed to mind. Though the place he called home was a miraculous thing of beauty, he was too young to think much of it. He had known nothing else.

            His mother stood in the kitchen in front of the oven, waiting for the cookies to finish baking. Always his favorite. The smell gently wafted up out of the room, and up the marble staircase, winding its way around the three and a half stories of sprawled splendor. Creeping into the walls, wrapping around the furniture, spiraling up to excite the child, in only the way a six year old can get excited.

            The buzzer on the oven went off and his mother reached down delicately with her oven mitt, pulling out her homemade special recipe of sweet treats. She dumped the tray of cookies out onto a large porcelain white china bowl and poured a full glass of milk.

            “Charles, your cookies are ready?” she knew good and well he probably couldn’t hear her. Probably outside walking the cobblestone again. She grabbed the plate to walk to bowl to his bedroom, a nice surprise for his return from friends. Her footsteps echoed loudly in the resonant foyer as she climbed slowly, glancing up at the framed portraits of the family she had worked so hard to create and love. Always trying so hard to be the best mother of anyone she knew, and as far as she was aware, it was working.

            Reaching the top of the stairs, she glanced out at the piazza and saw him swinging gently back and forth.

            The bowl of cookies and milk shattered on the floor as the blood curdling scream resonated through the street.

**

            They say homes have a personality of their own. For the most part, it’s a representation of the lives of those who have called the house home. Fairly mundane and routine, but mostly filled with love and family. The kind that’ll wrap its arms around you when the cold chills you to the bone and you fell you have nowhere to go. I always though that if you put in enough love, the house would love you back and wrap its arms around you so to speak. The soft creaking of the floors at night, the whipping of the wind that gently rattles the window panes late at night. Must be the house’s way of letting you know its got your back. This is what I always though.

            I had always dreamed of living in a house that stood for something. A house grand enough the neighbors held just an inkling of resentment. Not the kind that would really amount to much of anything, but enough that let them know you had your own business wrapped up handily. You weren’t going anywhere. You were secure, and because of it, your family would definitely follow suit.

 
Top 500 Contributor
ethan.kinkle784
Posts :16
Joined: 02-26-2012
 
 
RE:Opening Section- 12 Savage Street
ethan.kinkle784 replied on Wed, Jul 25 2012 5:35 PM Reply

Anyone had an opportunity to give this a look? Would love to hear initial thoughts!

 
Not Ranked
bahamaswriter
Posts :4
Joined: 09-10-2010
Bahamas
 
 
RE:Opening Section- 12 Savage Street
bahamaswriter replied on Sat, Jul 28 2012 10:45 AM Reply

Descriptive and well written.  Has potential.  I suggest you cut out unnecessary adverbs though,  e.g. “The smell gently wafted up out of the room.”  How else would a smell waft?  Not necessary to use the word “gently”.  Also, with “The bowl of cookies and milk shattered on the floor as the blood curdling scream resonated through the street”, it’s not necessary to describe the scream as “blood curdling”.  Just “a scream resonated through the street” is sufficient.  Keep your writing lean and edit, edit, edit!  Just a couple of suggestions off the top of my head.  Hope it helps.  I wish you much success with your book.

Fay Knowles, Nassau, Bahamas
http://bahamaswriter.blogspot.com
"News, views and stories from the Bahamas" 

 
Top 500 Contributor
ethan.kinkle784
Posts :16
Joined: 02-26-2012
 
 
RE:Opening Section- 12 Savage Street
ethan.kinkle784 replied on Sat, Sep 1 2012 2:06 PM Reply

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Your point is definitely one of the biggest things I've been working on, and I hope to improve as time goes on!

 
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