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"The Night House"- Excerpt 2

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ethan.kinkle784
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Joined: 02-25-2012
 
 
"The Night House"- Excerpt 2
ethan.kinkle784 Posted: Sat, Mar 31 2012 9:26 PM Reply

Hello to all!! Hope all is well with everyone! Would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this next excerpt!

 

Ethan

 

 

Nicholas Durand’s office had the perfect view. He could watch the ocean go on for days just by gazing out of the large bay window that was directly across from his desk, neatly kept, his papers organized. Since his office was at home, across the hallway from his bedroom, he was able to add whatever personal touches he wanted. Most likely, the four foot Stevie Nicks poster hanging from the wall would not be accepted in most corporate offices.

            His legs were crossed as he leaned back in his black leather office chair. He held his three hundred dollar pen in his right hand and turned his gaze to the ocean. The water was a luscious grey-blue today and it captivated him. It inspired him. He had had plenty of time to rest since his last book tour for The Unkept Heart and he was ready to start the process over again.

            Twenty pages of blank loose leaf paper littered his desk, or at least what he would call littered. In reality it was incredibly kept. He could not stand to have his workspace anything other than immaculate, and he always insisted on keeping it that way. He could have the perfect plot line for a story, something terribly important that needed to be written down but, if when he sat down at his desk, it was a tragic mess, the story would have to wait. It had always been that way.

            Today the ocean was incredible. Not like there was ever a day in Nicholas’s life when it wasn’t, but today it was incredibly inspiring. He lowered his pen to the paper and began to outline. Began to outline about a woman who had everything in the world she could have wanted, only to watch it slip right out from underneath her, with her eyes wide open. Then this woman finds a man who turns her world upside down for the better, and they begin to start a life together.

            Nicholas Durand’s first novel, So, This Is Love was published when he was twenty. He was in the middle of his junior year at the University of Massachusetts and though the book was a huge hit, he vowed to remain in school until he graduated. That summer of 1990, he hit the road for his book tour. No, it wasn’t as full scale as a new release by Stephen King, but he did stop at thirty different venues from early June to late July. It was on his last stop, in Jersey City, New Jersey that he met Alexandra.

**

            The red tablecloth fell over the table and a banner hung from the front, proclaiming the arrival of a breakthrough first novel. A box filled with copies of his book was placed under the table if anyone was interested in purchasing a copy. Two pieces of rope served as a barrier for a line.

            He had been seated behind the table since the store’s opening at 10:00 am, and had signed a couple hundred copies of his book in the few hours that he had been there. As the clock approached two, he realized that he had not eaten lunch.

            “Marian, would it be alright if I left for a half hour or so to grab a quick bite to eat?” he asked the store’s manager.

            “That would be fine. Drive safely.”

            “Thank you.. Keep an eye on the table while I’m gone, alright?”

“Certainly.” He slowly rose from his chair and grabbed the box of books from under the table. He turned to leave, when someone gently reached for his arm. It startled him, but only for a second.

“Mr. Durand, are you leaving so soon?” It was a fresh faced raven haired beauty who had the most beautiful emerald blue eyes he had ever seen.

“May I help you miss?” He smiled at her. She had caught him a little off guard, but was willing to oblige to whatever she wanted.

“Well…Mr. Durand. I’m… a very big fan of your novel.” She was incredibly nervous as she looked up at him. She couldn’t have been more than eight-teen years old. She held out a copy of So, This Is Love, her cheeks turning a rosy shade of pink. “Do you think it would be possible for you to…Mr. Durand I feel really bad asking, were you headed off somewhere?”

“Well, I was going to grab a bite to eat but that can wait. Would you like me to sign your book?” He was a little embarrassed at the fact that she was so visibly shaken at meeting her literary idol. I’m nothing more than a local celebrity really. Bless her heart.

Her eyes were still somewhat avoiding his. “I…uh…my name is Alex, Mr. Durand. It is such a pleasure to meet you.” He was completely flattered that she was so taken at this meeting.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too Alex.” He extended his hand. “Are you from around here?”

“I suppose so. I’ve lived in a few different cities in the Northeast my whole life, but I’ve been here for three years. It’s very nice, but I miss the beach. What about you?”

“Am I from around here? No, I grew up in Boston but I do love the beach. My family always went to Cape Cod every summer. It’s so beautiful there.”

“Really? I lived in Chatham for five years.” The excitement rang in her voice. “It is so peaceful there. I lived off of Shore Road.” She was slowly becoming more comfortable talking to Nicholas, but the thought of the situation still distracted her ever so slightly.

“Small world, isn’t it?” he asked intuitively. He pulled his pen out of his front pocket and signed the book for her. She looked down at his signature and smiled.

“Mr. Durand, I really appreciate this. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

“Same to you Alex. Same to you.” She began to turn away and head in the direction of the magazine aisle but he stopped her with his voice. “I was going to head out and pick up some lunch, would you maybe like to join me?” she couldn’t have been more than two years his junior, and there was something in her reserved ways that really spoke to him, called out to him.

“Yes Mr. Durand. That does sound nice.”

And so it began.

 
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StoryTeller
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Joined: 03-27-2012
 
 
RE:"The Night House"- Excerpt 2
StoryTeller replied on Fri, Apr 6 2012 1:31 AM Reply

Hi Ethan,

It's me again, StoryTeller.  Just as before, I think it's great.   Just one thing...

In the second paragraph you wrote about the color of the ocean, how it captivated him, inspired him.  In the fourth paragraph you repeated how inspiring the ocean was.  Just think it's a little redundant and could possibly be re-worded.

I like your description of the neat freak! 

Congrats to you too.  Looking forward to more.

Lea

 
Top 500 Contributor
ethan.kinkle784
Posts :16
Joined: 02-25-2012
 
 
RE:"The Night House"- Excerpt 2
ethan.kinkle784 replied on Fri, Apr 6 2012 8:38 PM Reply

Lea, thank you so much for your comments! Greatly appreciated. So, overall, you think the work is decent? Out of curiosity, in terms of writing style, does it remind you of anyone?

 
Not Ranked
StoryTeller
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Joined: 03-27-2012
 
 
RE:"The Night House"- Excerpt 2
StoryTeller replied on Sat, Apr 7 2012 12:44 AM Reply

Ethan, yes, I truly enjoyed reading your work.  You'll have to let me know how it goes for you.  I wish you the best of luck.  But you will have to refresh my memory.  I've read so many book by so many authors over the years...who's your favorite author that you perhaps have slightly picked up on his or her style.  Recently, I've been reading some of James Patterson's works as well as Nicholas Sparks.  Lea

 
Top 500 Contributor
ethan.kinkle784
Posts :16
Joined: 02-25-2012
 
 
RE:"The Night House"- Excerpt 2
ethan.kinkle784 replied on Sat, Apr 7 2012 10:08 AM Reply

Well the author that inspired me to start writing was Sidney Sheldon, but I also like Nicholas Sparks and Danielle Steel with regards to romance novels. I also like Dan Brown and a little bit of Stephen King, and have started reading some Anne Rice too- she is SUCH a nice lady!

 
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