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Chapter One I'm Not Her

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Cara Sue
Posts :4
Joined: 03-29-2012
South Central PA
 
 
Chapter One I'm Not Her
Cara Sue Posted: Thu, Mar 29 2012 10:24 AM Reply

Hello all -

Just joined this community. I've been banging my head against the wall trying to market this novel. Won a little recognition in some contests, but with only regional journalism experience, I'm struggling to get the attention of an agent. I'm nearing the I-give-up-I-need-to-clean-my-house-and-pay-more-attention-to-my-kids point. Would appreciate any thoughts if you have the time to wade through it. 

 

CHAPTER 1

I really didn’t see this whole thing coming. Just last week my life was my life. Maybe a bit narrowly lived, but still it was my life.

I walk in to the Shop N Save to grab the weekly donuts for the staff meeting. Not that I’m invited to the meeting. I’m only an assistant claims adjuster. But truth be told, I don’t really adjust anything, except everyone else’s paperwork. I don’t eat donuts either, too much sugar, white flour, and transfat.

Waiting in line, I study Leann, like I always do. I don’t know why I’m so fascinated by her. Sometimes you can’t divert your eyes from things that repulse you. Maybe that’s it. The back of the cashier’s stand cuts into her butt, dividing her in two and causing her fat to pile on the stand like newspapers waiting to be delivered. That can’t be comfortable. It must leave lines on her skin the same way my lawn chairs tattoo the back of my thighs.

Leann’s stringy, dirt-colored hair usually hangs in her face, but some days, like today, she pulls it back on one side with a tiny pastel colored plastic barrette, the kind my mother uses on her Shitzu. Her teeth are straight, but yellow, and the only makeup she wears is a garish green eye liner.

Leann calls for a price check and stands picking at her nails. I don’t have time for this. I’m already late. I’d skip it, except the donuts make everyone else at the office happy and somewhat indebted to me. The fashion magazines at the check out catch my attention, and I mentally compare myself to each of the cover models. I look up to see Leann roll her eyes at the nervous woman who says she doesn’t need the olives anyway and to forget the price check.

When the man in front of me steps up Leann nods at him. He teases her. It’s just a little charitable flirting. I arrange my groceries on the belt and smile blandly at the man as I reach over his groceries for a plastic divider. He looks me over appraisingly and starts to say something, but is cut off by Michael Jackson’s Thriller, a telling ring tone for a balding white man.

I’m not certain of the next chain of events. I remember Leann wrestling with the change drawer. She can’t slip the credit card receipt in the little slot because something is blocking it, so she begins shaking the machine to shift the contents. The pole with the lane number sign and light begins to sway as Leann’s bulk rattles the cash register. Sometimes events happen in slow motion and your brain freezes and you just watch the train wreck or the car accident as it happens. I see the sign falling; I watch it crash towards me. I wonder briefly why this is happening. Then everything goes black.

When I come to, blood pools around my head and the manager kneels next to me frantically stuffing magazines under my head. I’m not dead because I hear my own voice asking, “Christ! What happened?”

As I watch myself all I can think is the blood is ruining my newest Anne Taylor jacket and I’m not doing anything to prevent it. I’m just lying there growing whiter. The red faced manager is yelling, “Leann, are you alright?” I look down at my grotesquely swollen arms and then reach for my pounding head.  None of this makes sense because how can I be standing here with a throbbing head if I’m lying on the ground covered in blood?

I try to move, but I’m trapped in the cashier stand. When I turn to get out, I feel my stomach press against the bars from the bag rack.

Another checkout clerk, the older one with the mustache whose hands always shake when she bags groceries, looks right at me and says, “You all right, Leann? That Valentine display clocked you good when it came loose. Guess it weren’t attached to that pole so tight, huh?”

 This cannot be happening. Somehow I am trapped in the body of Leann, and that doesn’t make sense. I need things to make sense. I’m a practical person. I don’t read science fiction; I don’t believe in God; and I’m not the least bit superstitious. I am in control of my life, my future, and most certainly, my body. This could not be happening. But when I try to move, I have to wedge my hips out of the checkout booth. People swarm the lane and someone produces a blanket. When I step out into the exit aisle and look around at myself lying on the floor next to the rack full of chewing gum, chocolate bars, and travel size hand sanitizers, my world begins to spin. I stumble back to the bench where old men sit waiting for their wives. Luckily, it has been cleared by the excitement of my accident. I slump down, shocked that my butt doesn’t completely fit on the bench and I watch.

Emergency personnel come and lift me on to a stretcher. Someone opens my purse and finds my identification. I listen to the woman mispronounce my name. It’s Carin Fletcher. Carin sounds like Car-in, just like it’s spelled, but no one can ever say it right. They always say Karen, and so does the woman with the orange hair and black roots as she places my purse next to me on the stretcher. The ‘me’ on the stretcher appears to be unconscious now. The ‘me’ on the bench can’t utter a sound.

After the ambulance leaves, the manager comes and sits next to me on the bench.

“Leann, I need you to tell me exactly what happened.”

I look at him like he’s nuts, because he must be. This can’t be happening. I read his name badge. It says Vernon Slick, Assistant Manager. I don’t say a word. I just allow my mind to fumble along with all this. I stare at him and I nod. He sighs and takes out his cell phone.

“I’m going to call corporate and let them know what happened. You look a little spooked Leann. Maybe you should go lay down in the break room.”

I don’t move. I just watch him like he is a science documentary. I’m fascinated, but completely uninvolved. When a voice comes on the line, he gets up and begins to pace the aisle explaining what has happened. When he’s finished, he yells, “Phyllis, come take Leann back to the break room. Have her lie down for a few minutes.”

The other cashier, the one with the mustache, puts her hand on my shoulder and looks down at me kindly. When I don’t move, she puts her other hand under my elbow and lifts. My elbow rises with her, but the rest of me remains on the bench anchored by the extra 200 pounds and the shock of what is happening. She lets go of me and says, “C’mon Leann, don’t make a fuss. The registers are backin’ up.” Her expression is equal parts frustration and pity.

I don’t know what else to do, so I heft myself off the bench and follow her. My thighs rub together uncomfortably and more than once I knock into customers as I figure out how much space I require. Right in front of the canned tuna, Phyllis stops and asks, “You alright Leann? You look kinda sick.”

I just stare at her wondering when I’m going to wake up. She shrugs. “I gotta get back to my register.” She turns and scurries back up the aisle.

I sigh and wait. I close my eyes and try to relax my body – maybe I’m hallucinating. I take deep breaths. A woman with a loaded shopping cart stops in front of me. I turn and look at her. She’s watching me expectantly, and I think she’s about to explain it all or shout, “You’re on candid camera!” I stare back at her and she raises her eyebrows. I don’t know what she wants me to say, so finally I blurt out, “What the hell’s going on?”

She glares at me and growls, “Can you let me by?”

I’m blocking the aisle. I try to apologize, but really there’s no explaining myself, so I back up against the cans of tuna and let her by. I’m not sure how it could be possible, but this is real; I’m not dreaming. I can click my heels together and take all the deep breaths I want, but I will still be this fat woman with hair in my eyes and sweat behind my knees. I wander the rest of the way down the aisle towards the back of the store. I find a hallway I have never noticed before, tucked between seafood and the butcher shop.

I enter through the door that says, “Employees only”. Two well worn couches slump together in front of a small TV set. One wall is covered in lockers. I find the locker that has Leann’s name on it and open it. Inside is her purse. It looks big enough to hold a small child. I search it for car keys. I have to get out of here. The purse holds nothing except a paper clip with ten dollars and a driver’s license, a small pack of crayons, her green eye liner, a baggie full of bus tokens, and a house key.  I look at her license. Leann Marie Cane. Finding no car keys, I take the ten dollars and put the purse back. I need to leave before Vernon Slick comes looking for me.

I make it to the front of the store without seeing an employee. I walk too close to a display and my hip takes out a package of toilet paper, sending the entire pyramid of paper tumbling, but no one reacts. Phyllis is busy at her checkout, and Vernon squints at the register in Leann’s spot, so I duck out through the express lane.

Outside it is cold, and I realize I have forgotten to bring Leann’s coat. I hug myself, horrified and at the same time intrigued by the fat rolls that engulf me. We have no taxis in our town, at least not ones that take people anywhere but the prom, so I look around for a bus stop. I’ve never noticed it before, but it is right on the corner next to the store. Several people, laden with blue plastic shopping bags, wait under a sign. I stand in line with them. I have no idea where the bus goes. When it arrives I realize I didn’t bring the bus tokens. I offer the driver my cash, but he waves me on. He knows Leann and apparently considers her good for it.

I fill the entire bus seat, side to side, front to back. It is uncomfortable and a bit claustrophobic and I wonder briefly what would happen if the bus were in an accident.  Would I be wedged in here and left to burn to death? Would the other passengers band together like Christopher Robin and Rabbit and pull me out of the tight spot? The bell rings requesting a stop and it dawns on me that I have nowhere to go. If I go to my apartment, how will I get in? No one will recognize me, and I don’t have a key hidden anywhere. 

Blessings,

Cara Sue

kidfriendlyorganiclife.blogspot.com

"It you are what you eat, and you don't know what you're eating, how do you know who you are?"

 
Top 500 Contributor
ethan.kinkle784
Posts :16
Joined: 02-25-2012
 
 
RE:Chapter One I'm Not Her
ethan.kinkle784 replied on Wed, Apr 11 2012 5:16 PM Reply

Cara, the first thing that really stands out to me is your attention to detail, which in a lot of ways is very good. However, by reading this excerpt,I am not entirely sure where I' wanting this thing to progress to, and as a reader, we need to feel that emotional draw. What is the basic synopsis of this book? What genre are we looking at? The technicality of the writing is pretty stout though, so great job! I would love to hear your thoughts on my writing as well!! Looking forward to hearing from you!

 

Ethan

 
Not Ranked
Cara Sue
Posts :4
Joined: 03-29-2012
South Central PA
 
 
RE:Chapter One I'm Not Her
Cara Sue replied on Thu, Apr 12 2012 10:09 AM Reply

Hi Ethan -

THanks for reading. The basic synopsis is that these two very different women swap bodies and have to sort out life from a new perspective. The genre is women's fiction. I don't know if I've had a man's opinion on this yet, so it's helpful to hear your comments. I'm new to this site, and just figuring out how it can help me. I'd be happy to look at your writing.

blessings,

Cara

Blessings,

Cara Sue

kidfriendlyorganiclife.blogspot.com

"It you are what you eat, and you don't know what you're eating, how do you know who you are?"

 
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