i need some help with this poem, suggestions or advice would be nice.

the moment we split up,

that very second.

i gave up in life,

you were my life.

i still see you,

but im my dreams.

i wish that would of,

never happened to us.

i fell for you hard,

more than you can see.

i sometimes wish,

i could hold you again.

to hear you laugh,

and to see you smile.

your the reason,

i woke up in the mornings.

now life without you ,

is a punishment for me.

i regret having to hurt you,

i hurt the rose i loved the most.

i cant live with myself,

for what i've done to you.

every time i shed a tear,

its not because im hurt,

its because i know your hurt.

i live in regret everyday,

everyday is a painful day.

i've lived with this burden till now.

now that you forgave me,

i can finally rest in peace.

thank you is my last words to you.

You have done a good job, I think you can present it in much better way ,so that it touched someone's heart.

brushes n lences

Unless you're inventing a new type of poetry, you'll want to group your lines in paragraphs and groups of paragraphs. Doing so gives the reader some idea as to where the thoughts connect, and it guides the rhythm of your poem. On this forum, you have to press shift+enter to make proper lines, and enter for new paragraphs.

"the moment we split up
that very second.
i gave up in life,
you were my life.

i still see you,
but im my dreams.
i wish that would of,
never happened to us.

[double space]

i fell for you hard,
more than you can see.

i sometimes wish,
i could hold you again.
to hear you laugh,
and to see you smile."

Don't punctuate for everything. Punctuation effects how a poem is read, and sometimes shows your intentions. "i sometimes wish, i could hold you again" makes no grammatical sense, and making a new line is akin to making a brief pause when speaking. Always capitalize your I's.

Restructure the poem the way you want it in this form, and then it will be possible to address your poetic voice. Reading some famous poets who have a style similar to yours will go a long way in improving how your structure your poems. 

My writing blog: www.blog.beatpoetryhour.com

I agree with JEHSA about grouping your words rather than single sentences. Also, read it aloud and try to see if there is a rhythm to it or if changing a few words can create a rhythm that is pleasant or is broken at important thoughts for emphasis. You may then consider changing some of the "you" words to fit an imagined meter ( I try not to repeat words in my poetry unless they are part of the final statement) to a more specific image, i.e. your eyes, the scent of your love letters, the way you roll your "R's." I have no idea where that last one just came from....it's late. You have the beginings of a good poem!

i wish that would of,
never happened to us.

Taking Care of Lil' Man