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Started by writerMark at 07-02-2009 2:12 PM. Topic has 2 replies.
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   07-02-2009, 2:12 PM
writerMark

Joined on 02-06-2009
Posts 8
Hi

Having some trouble with showing instead of telling, and I would appreciate all the help I could get. An example from my novel I'm writing in which someone pointed this out to me.

The large, wooden crates, I assumed were packed with illegal drugs, this being one of Jonathan Lawrence Dramon's warehouses, and he being a smuggler of drugs from South America.

Does that sound like I'm showing there.

Another problem pointed out to me was that I put in too much description of characters in too soon in the novel. I thought a writer was supposed to do this in order to introduce the main character immediately to the readers. Am I wrong?

                                                             Mark

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   07-02-2009, 6:02 PM
Craven

Joined on 03-26-2008
Posts 88
Re: Hi
The large, wooden crates, I assumed were packed with illegal drugs, this being one of Jonathan Lawrence Dramon's warehouses, and he being a smuggler of drugs from South America.

This sounds fine to me. Good writing is a combination of showing AND telling. You can't write a novel that is all showing. But telling everything deprives writing of the rich imagery that puts the reader in the scene.

Here is an example:

TELLING: Then a vicious gun battle broke out.

SHOWING: Dramon pulled his gun and I pulled mine. My men were outnumbered and retreated for the cover of a row of crates. Behind me I heard a a gun slide c*** a bullet into the chamber. A shot rang out, and then a volley. In an instant, it sounded like a parade in China town. I hit the deck.

Telling is good for relaying information in an economical fashion for things that don't carry much drama or impact. For heavy impact scenes or strong emotion, it's much better to show than tell. Don't tell me someone is sad, describe the manifestations of their sadness, the things I could see if I were there, and the image in my head will tell me this person is sad without you ever putting that word on the page.

As for character description, show their personality through what they say and do - DON't TELL US. Let the reader draw their own conclusions by watching the characters in action (unless the character is minor and just passing through, in which case, don't waste much time describing them). For physical description, weave it in subtly, a little here, a little there, fairly close to where they are introduced. Less is more when it comes to physical desription. Build a rough sketch of the character and let the reader fill in the rest. They will, you know. Until Tom Clancy's books became films, I'll bet there were thousands of different images his readers created in their heads for how Jack Ryan looked. Fill in the details that are important, and let the reader's imagination fill in the rest. Giving the reader enough information to create their own images is good writing. Don't introduce new descriptive details in the middle of the book. I've read books where I had already painted an image of a character in my head only to be jarred out of the story when the author let me know the character was a redhead. With that image shattered, I was no longer in the story.

Readers want to be involved, whether it's building their own images, figuring out the relevence of clues, or drawing their own conclusions about a character's personality. Giving them every detail is overwriting, and boring for the reader.

Good luck, -Craven

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   07-03-2009, 2:59 AM
SarahJane

Joined on 07-03-2009
Posts 2
Re: Hi

I'm new to the Forum and just saw your question. Perhaps this section is reserved for experts, but I am compelled to refer you to an article in the May 2009 "The Writer" magazine, by Lois J. Peterson. The article is called "9 signs you're telling, not showing." It's an excellent article and I believe you'll find it (as I did) extremely helpful with "showing" vs "telling.

One paragraph talks about avoiding weak verbs. Another paragraph discusses the use of the verb "to be" and all of its relatives, i.e. is, were, are, etc).  

Hope this helps.

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