Some of them are so surreal that they have to be shared. Like this one, that turns a corner and rounds a couple curves before it finally ends:

Dear (my name)

Thanks so much for sending your query, and for offering me the chance to consider your material. Unfortunately, your project does not seem right for me.  My decision reflects my present workload and my current interests. It may also be that yours is not the type of book I handle. For more about the kinds of books I do represent, go to (URL of the agent's website) and click on my name. Since it's crucial that you find an agent who is extremely enthusiastic about your book project, I urge you to continue to seek representation, especially since this is such a subjective business -- what works for one agent or publisher may not work as well for another. One tip--find books that are similar to yours (same genre, subject, intended audience, etc.) and check the Acknowledgments section for the name of the agent. Then reference that book in your query letter. Just FYI, I never open unsolicited attachments or visit unsolicited websites.

Best of luck!

Sincerely yours, (agent's name)

Good advide, to be sure. Find out what kind of books the agent represents before sending the query. I did visit the agent's web site before sending the query. There are a couple generic genres of fiction, and a handful that the agent doesn't represent. No client list, no recent sales, nothing on which to base an educated guess re what the agent does represent. At least she used my real name in the greeting instead of "Dear Author."

I thought dashes were properly used in pairs, and single dashes replaced by colons or eliminated by starting a new sentence. Noah Lukeman, in his book on queries, devotes an entire paragraph (!) to how the incorrect use of dashes can flag an inexperienced writer.

I love these rambling rejections. As if the more explanation offered, the better the agent feels about rejecting the submission (and the more patronized the writer feels).

Equally as amusing is the two line rejection (praise the Lord for the economy of words) under  which appears the agency's name, mailing address, and phone number! Do they really think I'm going to write to them, or call them long distance, after being rejected?

Maybe it's the perfection that is turning your would-be agents away . . .

Then I'll put a couple typos in my next query and see if that works, :)

Agents would have you believe that they're a combination of God, your parents when you were eight years old, and a high school vice-principal. Far from the case. Some are hacks who couldn't sell their own writing. Some were owed favors and set up with an office in a big agency, and a few clients to practice on (this is called "building a client list"). Some are out and out head cases who still manage to function in normal society.

No one will tell you this when you start out. You certainly won't find such wisdom in any of those books on how to write novels that sell, written by authors who've never published a novel.