Lament For The Absence Of Content

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Poetry

Started by Christina333 at 03-16-2006 12:24 AM. Topic has 4 replies.

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03-16-2006, 12:24 AM

Christina333

Joined on 09-27-2005
NJ
Posts 11

Lament For The Absence Of Content

	The anorexic thinness of a smile, goes well with threadbare tee shirts; argyle knits. With broken wings it hangs there for a while, wanting the inside out; a thrift store pile. The seeds of sounds through headphones still transmit, the anorexic thinness of a smile. In darkling dreams the soul begat black bile, and left a vacancy; an open split. With broken wings it hangs there for a while; a purple bloom, a Lily of the Nile. Cast not your probing gaze lest you admit, the anorexic thinness of a smile. The photographs are wounds in art school style. A pain cut deep has ruptured from its slit. With broken wings it hangs there for a while; a radio that’s broken off its dial. Black liner runs; a cigarette is lit. The anorexic thinness of a smile; with broken wings it hangs there for a while.
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04-03-2006, 8:30 AM

kday01

Joined on 11-21-2005
Jacksonville, FL 32223
Posts 60

Re: Lament For The Absence Of Content

	Christina, You're one of those very rare poets who has a natural feel for the villanelle, a form I love to admire but have written only once. I think it's one of the most challenging forms the English language has adapted. What really impresses me is that you didn't subjugate content to form--the figure you develop allowed me to experience the notion of lines like "Black liner runs; a cigarette is lit." Excellent illustration of showing rather than telling. Exceptional line: The photographs are wounds in art school style. I'm not too wild about The soul begat black bile--I think it's mainly the verb; within the context of the form that naturally lends itself to sophistication, I felt "begat" was a bit over the top. The same goes for "lest" in place of "unless"--I'd go with the less ornamental word. It's a fine poem and with a small amount of tweaking, can be exceptional. Very nice work. I enjoyed reading this.--best, KDay Best regards, Kay Day www.kayday.com
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04-04-2006, 2:13 PM

Christina333

Joined on 09-27-2005
NJ
Posts 11

Re: Lament For The Absence Of Content

	KDay, Thank you for your criticisms and also for your kind words. I am pleased that you enjoyed reading my work. I wrote this for a graduate school course in poetry that I'm currently taking. I didn't expect that I would ever be able to write anything for this form. The am in full agreement with you about the tweaks I can make to it. It's funny but I didn't like begat either. It's not really my style! Thanks again for the comment KDay. It's much appreciated! Christina
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05-30-2006, 3:49 AM

LinnAnn

Joined on 11-06-2003
Posts 3,566

Re: Lament For The Absence Of Content

	Someone posted a challenge to write a poem in this style. I felt it was well beyond my ability. YOU however have mastered it well! This was great. I agree with the two tiny adjustments, but you did this so well that I re read for enjoyment rather than for deciphering for content. I wish I could figure out how to rate these. love, LinnAnn
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05-31-2006, 10:34 AM

kday01

Joined on 11-21-2005
Jacksonville, FL 32223
Posts 60

Re: Lament For The Absence Of Content

	Hi, Linn Ann, Hoping you received my email response, but to rate the poem, just look at the top of the topic and you'll see a star icon with the word "rate". Click on that and select your rating.--best to you, Kay Day Best regards, Kay Day www.kayday.com
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