If you want to know what I think, it's that I think it's unformed. What I mean is that you just splotched your feelings out onto paper and left it. Which is good, but it's only the first step. You may not want to hear this, but ninety percent of everybody's poetry, yours included, is absolute crap. The duty of the writer is to write it in the first place and then to go back again and weed out the crap. I think that this poem has potential, but it needs reworking. Remember, the role of a good poet is not to create natural work, but to create work so perfect that it seems natural.
-Giusti
I'm back from vacation, and finished with the pile of work on my desk when I arrived back. In the meantime, I still detest the idea of private forums, etc, etc, etc. Etc.