Oh boy.  So glad we finally got a play to look at.  Poor little forum has been empty so long.  Liked the story, nice twist and it hit me as humorous, not shocking.

Question on format since it looked like you are thinking of using this for a grade:  It's hard to make formatting work here in the forum.  Is all the dialogue supposed to be left justified with the actor, or should it match the indent of the intial line.  (I know nothing of format rules for scripts and plays.)

Other than that, there is a little confusion, for me anyway, in initial setup.  You identify 'Harley' as sitting... then helmet on handlebars.  I thought Harley was person and the handlebars were free sculpture.  I was envisoning just that:  a set of handlebars suspended on the stage, with a viking-type helmet on them.

Remember, I am strictly an amateur and these are just opinions.  And in heading, should it be playwright instead of play write?  (I do that all the time.  Damn homonyms.  Your, you're are my two disasters.)  Good, quick story.  Thanks.

John

Carol Sue wrote:

Writing prompt from play write group October 28, 2005   Art Studio   At Rise:   Harley(Props and sounds are capitalized) sits center back stage nearer the back of the stage than the front. (omit highlighted part) Model Capitalize characters when introducing for first time. stands behind it in the shadows, a blanket round her shoulders and puddles on the floor, a helmet on handlebars obstructs a clear view of her.  (what puddles?)   Cop  faces her  (is his back to audience?) and it is apparent there is some disagreement taking place.   Four easels are arranged around the bike.  Each easel has a stool in front of it.   Two women enter the stage and take up places at easels on one side. A man enters alone and sets up at a facing easel.  The artists nod and busy themselves laying in background paint.                                              Woman 1(WOMAN=all caps)                                Well, it had to happen someday.                                                      #2                                 What do you mean, what had to happen?                                                     #1                            This nude thing, I have never painted a nude, at least a live nude.                                                       #2                                                     You sound nervous.                                                      #1                                   I am nervous. The last nude I saw besides myself when I forgot I was facing the mirror when I dropped my towel was back in high school gym class when I had to shower in the gang shower one day.  Then I only saw the other girls from the knee down.  I was afraid to look up because I might stare and there’s no way I wanted to get caught staring so I washed my armpits and got out of there. This is funny but too long and a bit confusing:   Try something like                 You noticed?  The last nude I saw was in high school gym class.  I dropped my towel in the gang shower one day and found myself looking at naked knees.  I couldn't look up,                   I might stare --you know-- so I just washed my armpits and left.       #2                    Well, you seem to have survived that all right.        #1                    Yeah, but this is different.  You have to look at the person, I mean really look at her to get the shading and the lines and the colors all right.  That means looking closely.   #2.                   But you won’t (don't?) know this person.  It will just be like looking at a 3D illustration in an art book.                            You need some direction here, looks at new guy, or#1 elbows #2 and points to new guy #1                    Yeah, right.  I wonder what he’s thinking.  The new guy.  Doesn’t he look like Tommy’s brother, the one got shot at work?..    #2                    You’re right, he does.  But right now, he’s probably just wishing they’d get this show on the road and you’d stop whispering.   On cue the man calls out  Capitalize the MAN when introducing a new character for the first time.  But here you would simply put Man above the dialogue. I came here to paint and to paint nudes.  I don’t see any nudes.  I don’t see any teacher.  Is somebody gonna get this show on the road?   Cop answers Treat like dialogure                         Hold your horses.  I’m not so sure this show’s gonna get on the road.   Man calls back What’s your problem? Treat this like dialogue.                                                              MAN                                                    (yelling back)                                         What's your problem?                                     Cop                             Well, first off, somebody asked me if I’d bring my bike to this art class so people could paint it.  I’m a busy man, but I bust my butt to get this bike over here, to get it in here and now there’s no teacher and there’s a naked woman here.                                       You guys know there was gonna be a naked woman here?   Artists answer               Yeah, It’s an art class.   Cop                             I’m not so sure this is OK.  You guys might be breaking some kind                                     of nudity law, public lewdness or something.   Girl in blanket speaks. I ‘m just supposed to sit on your bike, not ride it.  I don’t know what your problem is.  It’s not like I’m going to take it somewhere or hurt it.  Look at me, (she flashes him from under her blanket)  You think I’m going  hurt your bike.   Cop                             Cover yourself up.  Don’t you have any decency?                                                                                                                   GIRL  Listen,  they told me I’d get paid $50 bucks an hour to sit on a bike and have people paint me.  I’m not a tramp.  I’m a college student and I need the money.  I’m not going to hurt your bike and somebody’d better paint me and pay me because I gave up some good study time to be here.                                                                                                         Woman #1                                               (in a stage whisper)                                     Do you know who that woman is?   #2                                No, but I can’t see her all that well.   #1                                She sounds familiar, like I know that voice.   #2                                I know what you mean; her voice does sound familiar, but I don’t know any nude models.  Do you?   The women stretch and peer toward the voice in an effort to make out who it is.   Man speaks                  It a quarter after.  We’ve got 45 minutes left.  Will somebody do something?   Cop holds his hand to his eyes and turns to artists.                                     That you Bill?  I didn’t know you was an artist.    Man                             Yeah, it’s me Joe.  Ever since I got out of the hospital they been telling me I needed to get a hobby, needed to find some way of relaxing so I thought I’d take up painting.   Cop                             Yeah, that’s a good idea.  I remember you were good at that in high school.  You painted Miller’s garage that summer and didn’t you win some prize for painting store windows at Halloween?   Man                             That was a while ago Joe. I forgot all about that.   Cop                             Did you know there was gonna be a nude here Bill?  What would your sainted mother, your sainted wife think, you being here with a naked woman?   Man                             Joe, now think about it for a few minutes.  She’s not going to be a naked woman.  She’s a model.  That’s different.  This isn’t like looking at real live naked women.    Cop                             Bill, She’s a woman and she’s not gonna have clothes on.  How much more naked does she have to be?   Women murmur and voices grow louder and they say to each other.                                     I know that voice.   Model                          Listen, if you’re not going to let me sit on that bike like this, (She waves the blanket open and closed) then at least let me sit on the blanket on the bike.  You guys can paint the bike and then paint me on the bike without the blanket.   Cop                             Ladies, Bill, this is a naked woman here.  She’s somebody’s daughter.  Are you sure you wanna do this?  It’s a shameful thing, you ask me.                                      (Turning to the model)                                       You’re not gonna sit on my bike no how.  I’m leaving and I’m taking my bike with me.                                     (He wheels the bike off stage.}   Model                          OK folks, you guys ready?  I’m coming out into the light.  Time’s a wasting and I’ve got to get back to the dorm.  We’ll do this without a bike.   Model (her face toward the floor) walks from the shadows into center stage and allows the blanket to drop a bit around her shoulders.  She looks up and a chorus of voices ring out.                                       Susan May Dougherty.  I can’t believe it….   Questioningly, her hands  shading her eyes from the glare:                                       Aunt Mary, Aunt Veronica,,,,,not Uncle Bill? Curtains drop.

Hi

 

 

Hi Carol Sue,

I know you wrote this back in October but perhaps you'll visit and see

that I critiqued your piece.

 

This is actually pretty good for a novice.  You have some funny stuff

and he twist at the end is great.

 

I've sort of formatted the first few lines, character name, all caps

centered then below, single space, the  dialogue

which stretches from margin to margin.

 

Capitalize Character names first time they are introduced, props and

sounds. 

 

I noted where you reverted to novelization (man shouts back etc.) There

need to be more direction/action.  Otherwise these people will just be

standing or sitting, doing nothing but speaking lines.

 

Also the dialogue needs to be tightened. No unnecessary words unles

the character has a reason to do that. 

 

Hope you keep writing!!