I love reading stuff that makes me laugh. Some of your stuff really makes me laugh. Har de har har har. Ok. Down to business. Here goes.
Fishing for Prawns in Neihu.
1. Direct your taxi to the last prawn fishing restaurant in the lineup along the river. Most people don't have the patience to go all the way to the end of the line, so that one is the least populated. Smaller people population = larger prawn population.
2. Pay for one hour rental of a fishing rood, two hooks and a styrofoam tray covered in little bits of slimy purple organ meat. Don't turn up your nose; she's watching you for a reaction. Note her outfit. Only in Taiwan do fish market vendors wear stiletto heels...
3. Take a look around. Where is the supply of live prawns kept? Sit at the side of the pool that is closest to this spot. When it is time to replenish the prawn pool (they do this once per hour), the attendant will dump his crate in at the point of easiest access. If you are brave, you will be able to pick the stunned prawns right off the surface of the water. It takes the sport out of the fishing, some may argue, but it is satisfying just the same. A word of warning: these prawns still have their long pinchers and they know how to use them. Have your net ready.
4. Once you have chosen your spot, ensure that your squat plastic lawn chair is functional before you put all your weight on it. More than one unfortunate fisherman has fallen into the drink in this manner. And at the risk of sounding repetitive, those prawns still have their long pinchers and they know how to use them.
5. Ok. Sitting down (probably pretty close to a local person on either side of you), extend your rod straight up in the air. Carefully unhook the extremely tiny hooks from the spongey handle of the rod and unwind the line from around the pole. Without hooking yourself (this will be difficult to avoid, as the hooks are only the size of an eyelash) put a minute amount of bait on each of the two hooks. If a local person offers you some of his homemade bait, decline it politely. He is merely trying to foil your fishing attempts for his own enjoyment. His bait is crap.
6. Time to fish. Carefully launch your line and bobber out over the center of the water. Or, if there are too many rods already fishing the center, allow your line to fish along the side of the pool, where some prawns may be congregating, out of curiosity for their comrades who have already been enslaved in the nets that are hanging there.
7. Sit quietly and watch your bobber carefully. It will not be tugged; it will slowly appear to drift off to one side. When it does this, ignore the advice of your oh-so-helpful fellow fishermen who advise you to either wait ten seconds or immediately yank the thing out of the water. Neither extreme is useful. Carefully and slowly LIFT the unsuspecting, nibbling prawn from the water.
8. Bring your catch to the side of the pool. Lower him to the floor and carefully grab him about the body, remaining wary of the waving pinchers. If you happen to be dating a local girl, she will probably offer to rip those nasty pinchers right off of him for you. These girls are not averse to this kind of primitive behavior, which can be particularly helpful later when it is time to skewer the live prawns and roast them alive over a barbecue.
9. Place your 6 to 8 inch prawn carefully into your net, and return the net to its hanging place at the side of the pool. Ensure that the prawn is below the water level but the net mouth is above water level, or he may escape to freedom once again.
10. Repeat.