Hi, this is my first attempt at writing a novel. Below is an excerpt which will appear about midway through the book, to explain the history behind the story. I would like some honest reviews please. I'm also drawn as to whther to do this as narative in the middle of the book, or whether to do an introduction.
"I will tell you how we got to where we find ourselves." Said the old man, shuffling his feet walking toward the chair in the corner of the room. The old man sat down; his knees creaked as he lowered himself.
"The world was created by eight ancient and wise gods," the old man began, his voice growing softer as he remembered the story. "These gods came together under an alliance to create a world of beauty, a world where no evil would ever be committed, a world where all things would live in peace and harmony, and no divine interference would be needed.
"Once the planet was created and they had created vast numbers of species of plant and animal, they created man. Man was to be the guardian of the planet; they would care for the flora and fauna. The gods named the planet Guarla and left the planet in the hands of man and returned to their eternal duty, bringing good to our universe and others.
"Guarla flourished, man and beast grew in numbers. The planet was blue and green, a vision of stunning beauty. At this time man was simple, living on what the land provided. Greed, envy, hate and other emotions like these did not exist. Man did not know what it was like to wield a sword, as none were necessary. There were no kingdoms, no wars."
The old man paused for a moment, his eyes were misty, something had moved him.
"Although Guarla was created by an alliance of eight gods," he continued his voice breaking a little, and some of the words coming out as a whisper, "there are far more gods than this. No one, not even the gods, is sure how many gods actually exist. Some of the gods are playful, some are creative, some are smarter than the rest, and some are fanatically good. But in order for creation to live in harmony evil must balance with good, for every good god there is an evil one, these gods are cruel and sadistic, some more so than others. It was one of these gods who stumbled on Guarla."
The old man paused again, this time his face was going red and there was a rage burning in his eyes. Garat looked into the eyes of the old man and shrank back, there was something there, something that made him feel
miniscule and insignificant.
"His name was Slathir," The old man began again, there was anger in his voice now, "he is famed amongst the gods as being the most wicked and unforgiving god. At the time he was young, a mere two million years old, he was also foolish. Slathir believes in his right to take whatever he desires, regardless of what it is and whom it may belong to.
"Slathir saw this planet as easy pickings, there were no other deities here, for they had all left, the people were all peaceful and did not have even the simplest of weapons.
"For the simple fact that he could, Slathir decided that he would make this planet his own. Slathir called forth his minions and the people of Guarla were forced into servitude.
"Slathir founded a capital, it was called Karlir. This city is now all but rubble, destroyed by the passage of time. Slathir also formed an elite bodyguard of humans; he named his bodyguard 'The Union of Slathir'. They were handpicked from the hundreds of thousands of human slaves that Slathir and his minions had captured."
The old man sighed, he was looking weary, as though this story was a great weight on his shoulders.
The old man continued, "There were rebellions, the human population now knowing what weapons were and having been trained to use them retaliated against his cruel reign. However Slathir's minions were too powerful and the humans were not skilled at warfare, there were no generals and in a pitched battle they did not stand a chance, they were slaughtered by the thousands.
"Despite Slathir's cruelty there were some humans who came to love him as their one true god, these people begged their captors to allow them to join The Union of Slathir. Some of these individuals were granted their wish and over the next few centuries The Union of Slathir became not only a bodyguard, but a warrior religion, fully populated by humans who worshipped Slathir.
"Members of the Union lost their humanity, they were no longer the guardians of the planet. They became as evil and twisted as Slathir, perhaps more so. They began slaughtering animals to Slathir, but this soon became human sacrifice. Slathir was surprised, but pleased, at how easily these humans had been corrupted over the generations from their simple ancestors.
"Slathir's rule over Guarla had lasted for four and a half millennia, when one of the gods who had created the planet returned to see how it was evolving. His name was Verino. On his arrival at Guarla, Verino circled the planet so that he could gaze upon the beauty of Guarla. Verino was shocked and appalled at what he saw, the fields were barren, the forests were burned, where once beautiful lush rainforest had stood there was now desert, and many of the animals were diseased or slaughtered. But the thing that shocked him most of all was that the humans had created settlements, this was not supposed to happen they were supposed to be nomadic creatures who cared for the environment. Instead of this they were now in permanent settlements and were polluting the planet. Verino could not understand how this could have happened.
"Then he saw the temple." The old man's eyes were now filling with tears, none of the party could understand this, surely it was just a story. If not then why should it have such a deep and moving meaning for the old man, for this would have taken place many millennia ago, long before the old man was alive. "Verino cried out in horror for he knew who had designed this temple, there were hundreds more like it on many other worlds."
"Verino knew that the ancient law of the gods decreed that no god may harm another. This meant that although Slathir had desecrated this planet, Verino could not retaliate in any way.
"Verino decided to go and see his brother, he went to the palace to confront Slathir directly. Upon gaining audience with his brother, Verino explained the position to Slathir, how this planet had been created to be a bastion of good and was intended to be left alone to grow on it's own with no intervention from the gods. Slathir was not happy with the appearance of Verino, and impressed upon him how easy it would be for him to kill him.
"Verino unsure of whether Slathir could be trusted to follow the ancient laws or whether he meant his threat, decided to leave. He left Slathir and travelled to the far side of Guarla where he posed as a normal human and tried to gather forces for a rebellion. The reason for this was that this would be a way around the ancient laws, if he could get a human to remove Slathir from his physical form, Slathir would not be dead and it would not even be Verino who made the sword stroke. Removing Slathir from his body would banish his soul to the Dark Realm where it would stay for all time.
"However before any human could defeat Slathir, Verino would need to charm a sword. Verino visited a blacksmith named Burtcher, who was famed throughout Guarla for his skill. Burtcher created a beautiful longsword, which he christened Lightstar. The magic Verino instilled in the sword made it appear old and tarnished and it's true beauty was hidden from sight behind a veil of magic. However when in the hands of the correct person, the sword would instantly become beautiful and weightless, the bearer would also be instantly imbued with incredible swordsmanship.
"Verino continued with his plans to create a rebellion, and amassed a great army. From the ranks he selected the troops with the greatest potential and made these his General's, he taught them the basics of warfare, and allowed them to choose their own officers. However there was another man in the ranks who Verino was interested in, his name was Carthuris, he was a humble farmer.
"Carthuris had lost his entire family to Slathir in the name of holy sacrifice, they had been butchered by the Union. But Carthuris' heart was not bent on revenge. Whilst he mourned the loss of his family and felt that justice should come to those who had committed this crime against him, he more than anything just wanted the people of Guarla to be free from Slathir's reign. Although he was not skilled in combat or warfare, he was strong in heart. Verino chose this man as his champion, and bestowed upon him Lightstar."
"Old man," interrupted Rillad, "when are you going to get to the point?"
"Patience my boy," the old man replied, "the whole story is relevant and when I reach the end you will see that."
"War waged for the next two years," the old man continued, "while Verino worked his way slowly toward the Karlir. Until finally Slathir realised the threat that was posed by this mass of humanity and decided that he himself would lead his army in one last battle. At this time Slathir did not know that Verino was behind the rebellion as Verino had decided to allow the humans to run the whole campaign and had stayed away from the army entirely.
"On the eve of the great battle Verino visited Carthuris and explained to him how he was the only one who could remove Slathir from his physical form, and in so doing banish him and his minions to the Dark Realm."
There was a grin on the old man's face now, he was happy and his tone had turned joyful.
"Once he had finished talking to Carthuris, Verino left the camp and rose to a position where he would be able to watch the battle from above. The following morning when the guards went to awaken Carthuris, he had disappeared.
"Carthuris, knowing that in the heat of battle it would be almost impossible for him to get from one side of the battlefield to the other, had left the camp in the middle of the night to circle around the enemy. He was waiting in a position where he would be able to attack Slathir during the battle, when all the enemy's attention would be concentrated elsewhere.
"When the battle began there were many casualties on both sides, however the bulk of the casualties were on the human side of the battlefield. Carthuris waited for an hour before making his move; he needed to be entirely sure that the whole of the enemy's attention was directed toward the battlefield. He crept up behind Slathir's personal guard, like a thief in the night, and he dispatched them quickly with the skill of an accomplished assassin.
"He shouted out to Slathir, who turned instantly to look at where the voice had come from. When he turned and saw a human standing there in the colours of the enemy troops he laughed. He did not believe that any human could pose a threat to him, he was a god after all. Slathir turned his horse and rode to where Carthuris stood, "Kneel before me and call me master if you wish to live," growled Slathir, to which Carthuris replied "you are not my master, and I will never bow before one so evil. Get off that horse and fight me."
"Slathir still believing that this human posed no threat got down from his horse and approached him unarmed. "I cannot fight an unarmed creature, evil or not," Carthuris stated. Slathir hissed, "I am more than a match for you, you cannot harm me," in reply.
"Carthuris drew Lightstar and as soon as Slathir saw the sword he could feel the power held within it. Slathir drew back, and asked frantically "where did you get that, that is no human weapon?" Carthuris replied to his question in a calm voice "A kind man gave it to me. Now, do you want a weapon, or not?"
Slathir turned and grabbed his sword from his horse, he then instantly charged at Carthuris. The battle between Carthuris and Slathir lasted for an hour, when eventually Carthuris stabbed Slathir through the heart.
"Slathir screamed, however the scream of a god is nothing like that of a human, everybody on the battlefield stopped and covered their ears it was too much to take. The scream stopped within a few seconds, when Slathir's body crumbled to dust. Slathir's spirit was released, this caused all of Slathir's minions on the battlefield to disappear. Slathir and his minions had been banished to the Dark Realm.
"This left only the Union on the battlefield fighting for the enemy. However once they saw what had happened to Slathir and his minions they turned and fled.
"Once the battle was over Verino came to Carthuris and talked to him. He explained Lighstar's power and told him that although it may not look beautiful when in the wrong hand's it still holds incredible power and must not fall into the wrong hands. Carthuris pledged that he would find somewhere to hide the sword.
"This Carthuris did, and he did it well, he told a hand full of his most trusted friends where he had hidden it, so that the location could be passed to future generations. It would lie in this spot until a time when it was needed again, although the hope was that it would not be.
"Once Verino had visited Carthuris and sent him on his way, he went to see his Generals, whom welcomed him with open arms whilst celebrating their victory. Verino calmed his generals he needed the calm and sober for what he was going to do next.
"When he had calmed the generals he began talking, he explained that now there was no enemy they were free, but not in the same way that humanity was free before the arrival of Slathir. Humanity was now awakened, it's potential had been unleashed and they would no longer be capable or happy to live the life that they once had. He spoke to them about government and kingdoms, and once he had finished he spread a map of Guarla on the table. On this map he began to draw lines, he drew twelve areas on the map, and these he split between his twelve generals. He then told them, "These will be your territories and they are yours to rule as you wish, either by government or as a kingdom. But make sure that you treat your subjects well, each of you must keep an eye on your neighbours and ensure that they stick to the path of good, if anyone of you start to go astray the others must stop you." This was the start of Guarla as we know it, shortly after this assembly the leaders of the new nations met to create the Guarlan Council and the Guarla Accord.
"Not long after the battle, the head cleric of the Union, Padiam Nesuway, began to go mad. His madness became so extreme that his followers had to tie him to his bed, so that he did not harm himself or others. It was not long after this that his madness would kill him, but before he died he appeared to return to sanity with a crystal clear mind. The same followers who had tied him to his bed released him, and he was allowed to return to his duties as head cleric. He began having very realistic dreams, they had substance, and he could touch and feel in them. The majority of these dreams he had during sleep, but occasionally they happened when he was awake, he would go into a trance like state and collapse on the floor. During the dreams that he had when awake he would speak, telling people what he saw.
"One of his juniors decided that he would record what Nesuway spoke the next time that Nesuway had a dream. Once Nesuway had read the record of his spoken word, he decreed that this was not merely a dream it was a prophecy. Shortly after this Nesuway returned to madness and killed himself.
"Nesuway's prophecy was that Slathir would return and conquer the world. But he would not be able to return by himself; he would be guided into this world by another soul, and would be confined and hidden in the body of that individual, until such time as the separation ceremony was performed."
"And that's where Trilla comes into the story!" Shouted Rillad, his voice full of excitement.
"Yes," answered the old man, talking to everyone "that's where your adventure begins."
"I don't understand," Trilla said "Why me? What made Slathir's soul attached to mine? There's nothing special about me."
"Bad coincidence I'm afraid." the old man replied to Trilla's questions, "Your soul was created at the instant that the Union's prayers became powerful enough to breach the barrier between our universe and that of the Dark Realm, thus binding his soul to yours."
"I don't feel any different since the separation ceremony," Trilla queried "surely I should feel like something's missing?"
"No, his soul has been hidden from you since your soul was created. You never knew he was there so what can you miss? Though I am surprised that he has not corrupted your soul."
"So what happens now? How do we stop Slathir?" Garat asked.
"You cannot stop Slathir, only the person who can wield Lightstar can stop Slathir. You can however find Lightstar and bring it to me in Freetown where I shall be addressing the Guarlan Council. I will then try to find the correct person."
"Where is Lightstar, do you know? Are you one of the descendants of Carthuris' friends?"
"Yes I do know, and yes I am descendant of one of Carthuris' friends, that is how I know the story for all written versions of events have long since decayed. You can find Lightstar in a cavern on the north face of Yalara."
"Yalara!" said Chikara, "where on Guarla is Yalara?"
"It is in the Quinaqua mountain chain. The local tribe will be able to guide you to this cavern. They have not lost the old ways of humans, for they were too small in number and too remote for Slathir to bother with. They believe the cavern is the home of a god and do not approach it. Although Slathir did not corrupt them, they felt his presence on the planet and fear that if they get too close to the cave the god will strike them down.
"Now unless you have any more questions my bones are tired and I must get some sleep, for I have long journey ahead of me. I would suggest that you do the same."
The old man slowly got out of his chair, and walked across the room to the door on the far side.
"How the hell did we get into this?" Chikara asked as soon as the old man had gone through the door, "we don't even know who he is, or what he's got to do with this, but we're listening to his every word."
"Just calm down a minute," Garat said, as he strode over to her, and put his hands on her shoulders, his voice went quiet, "I'm trying to think."
Rillad was sat on the deerskin rug by the open fire, "Well I say we go. What have we got to lose, after all it doesn't sound like we're going to have much fun with Slathir around."
"I agree with Rillad," Garat whispered, he coughed to regain his voice, he spoke up, "we have to do something. I'm still not sure about the old man, there is something in him that makes me feel small, something that makes me a little frightened of him. But still there is something else which is making me feel as if I should trust him, something deep within me is urging me to do anything that he asks."
Trilla walked over to Garat, instinctively she put an arm around his shoulder to comfort him, and then withdrew quickly when she realised what she had done.
"I have come this far," she said to Garat, "I may not have wanted to, I may not have had any choice in the matter, but nevertheless I have the same feeling as you, that we should trust the old man and do as he asks."
"I would prefer it if you went home," Garat replied, "we will take you to a harbour and buy you passage home, you are not built for this."
"I am my own woman," Trilla growled, she was angry at Garat, how dare he say such a thing, "I will decide what I do and where I go. No one is ever going to give me orders ever again."
"Well I can't let you three go on your own," Chikara sounded defeated, I guess "I'll have to come with you."