It is 1:00 pm and my daughter, Emily, is coming over for a visit with my husband and me. I am going to tell her that I am filing for divorce from her father, Stephen, because I have found someone else and I don't feel the same love for him anymore. She is 22, preganant, and has been married for just under a year and this is going to be extremely difficult for her. How am I supposed to tell her?

"Mom, where are you?" I hear her yell at 2:00pm. We aren't supposed to eat until 2:30 and I am still working on the dessert, a boston creme pie.

"In the kitchen dear!" I yell back.

"Hi! It's horrible out there. There is a storm blowing in. Mike is in the living room talking to dad."

I dread telling her this. It is going to break her heart. I just hope she can forgive me. After we all finish eating I tell them to go into the living room and I go to my room and get the papers.

"I have something that I need to discuss with both my daughter and my husband." I say quietly. I am secretly wishing my voice was stronger.

"What's wrong mom?" Emily looks worried.

"I am filing for divorce from your father." I look at Stephen as Emily's face contorts in fury. "I have found someone else. His name is Alex and he works with me at the shop. We have been talking a lot here lately and I have went out to eat with him a few times. It has been going on for a year, but I have not slept with him. I have more self-respect than that."

"How could you?!" Emily sceamed this and then stood up.

"Don't, Emily, the baby." I said falteringly.

"You are making a mistake. Alex is twenty-five years old, mother! You are forty! What are you thinking? You will never see this baby. Goodbye. I'm sorry daddy." Emily rushed over and hugged Stephen. Then she shot me a look of hatred and stormed out of the house.

"Is this really what you want?" Stephen asked sadly.

"Yes. It is. I wouldn't have said anything if it wasn't."

"Fine. Goodbye Helen. I love you, ya know? I thought you felt the same. After twenty-two years of marriage you expect your partner to still love you." He got up, signed the papers, and went to pack. I sat down to think about my daughter and the fact that she was so angry.

Six months later, the baby is 2 months old, and I still haven't spoken to my daughter. I see her every once in a while in town, but she acts like I'm not there. Alex is now living with me in the house my ex-husband built for me and we will be married in a year. I don't feel like I made a mistake, but others do. I am happy, I just wish I could see my grandchild.

~*~*~*~*

I have never participated in the challenges before, so I thought I'd take a stab at this one. Britney

Here's a 5-minute bit of silliness, albeit totally idiotic. My only excuse for stopping here and taking up space, is that there was no one to talk to on chat yet today. Smile.




What a treat! I thought as I ambled my way toward the kitchen counter to more closely ogle what must certainly be a genuine boston cream pie and not just a figment of my sugary imagination. I stood staring at the luscious color and texture, breathing in the sweet fragrance, as better judgment waged battle with self-indulgence.
Better judgment lost the battle.
But, perhaps in the long run, not the war? Time will tell, I suggested aloud to the empty house, as I opened the drawer and reached for a fork. Plunging it into the waiting and willing wonder before me, I then lifted a large forkful toward my gaping mouth.
Something shiny caught my eye and I plucked it from the fork.
A tinfoil square.
Carefully I pried apart it's folded edges until the contents were revealed to me: A paper just as neatly folded. I spread it open on the countertop and read his accusing red scrawl across divorce papers awaiting my signature : 'I knew you couldn't resist, you fat cow!'
With a sigh and a single tear I packed my bags, and as I did so I thought about the note that I would leave for him on the kitchen counter: 'I'm not fat, I'm pregnant, you ignorant pervert!'
Later that day I reached into his movie cupboard and set the bomb's hair trigger by leaning the brand new pornographic DVD against it.
Who cared what the saleswoman thought about a pregnant woman buying porn?
All that mattered was that . . . I knew that he would not be able to resist it.

I haven't been on the forums for awhile, so I'm trying a few Challenges.  Short and sweet (in all meanings of the word)--which is not my style.  It's a nice exercise, although I'm stretching the limits slightly.  Please tell me what you think.

 

The woman leaning on the counter was enormous.  Her eyes were wide and gorgeous; her arms could easily wrap a dozen city trees.  She flicked him a bored look when the shop bell jangled, then rested her head in her hands.  The glass gleamed under her elbows, reflecting cheesecakes and chocolate cake and a dozen perfect sugar cookies—he looked in vain for the thirteenth.

     The bakery smelled wonderful.  Astonished at himself, he fell in love.  He looked up at the wonderful swollen woman, and thought: She is pregnant with Boston crème pie.

     He felt like doing something incredible, ridiculous.  He leaned over and kissed her on the mouth, and said, “Marriage is boring.  I regret marrying.  I love you too much.  So I can come to you freely with flowers and jewelry and songs again—let’s divorce.”

 

Lilypad;

That was cute and I liked the ending.  lol  It was hard to read. I wonder why the print was so much smaller than the others?

love, LinnAnn

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My story was moved to the "Novel" Forum under the subject: Family Illusions.

 

Please visit to read the "evolving" story of Roger, Mary & Brian.

 

-Searcher

 

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You've got a pretty good start on your piece.  The biggest thing that pulled me out of your story is the switching from past to present tense.

In narration not using contractions is fine, but usually in speaking, contractions are usually used.

 

--- She confronted Roger about her suspicions that Friday morning as she stood next to the opened drivers window of their new Cadillac STX parked in the cobblestone driveway.

    Roger sat with both hands firmly grasping the steering wheel, he spoke looking straight ahead, very nervously saying there was no other woman and he would explain everything to her when he came home that night after work. -------This is where we say,'show don't tell"--You tell us what is happening rather than showing us by dialogue.  Some of your description is a bit too detailed.  If it's important to the plot, or to the mood, then it's needed.  Some is needed so it's not a blank page.--- opened drivers window of their new Cadillac STX parked in the cobblestone driveway. ---You give too many details not needed here,cobblestone driveway, but none for the kitchen, to help set the mood.  If she is standing and speaking to her husband in the car,  I would already think the window is open, unless you tell me otherwise.  I would already know he is in the drivers seat,as you mention his hands on the steering wheel. Unless it is important to the plot, we don't need to know the make and model of the car.

 Mary went back into the house for the day and was left alone with her thoughts about what the evening would bring. (What were some of her thoughts? Can you share some of her posture, and way of walking to give us a mental picture of her mental state?)

     She thought baking a pie would make her feel better.-----These two sentences can be combined.  Many of your single sentences can be combined to make paragraphs.--

 Brian was not sure what to say to his mother at this point.  “Mom,” Brian very calmly said, “I am sure it is just some kind of mid-life thing he is going through.” “No, no, I should have known," Mary said. "I thought everything was fine this time, I mean he told me he wanted another child, I thought it might help everything, I thought he would stay home this time and not pay for having sex with . . .," Mary suddenly realized she was talking outloud and Brian was looking straight at her and listening very intently, she composed herself and continued- "but now, this? and with another man?” ------This should be broken up. You have dialogue from two people, each person needs a separate paragraph.

telling Roger that he “Could not understand why he would have married such an obviously unstable and overly emotional woman in the first place.” ---since you are using quotes, it should read--"...can't understand why you married such an obviously unstable and overly emotional woman in teh first place."

Mary turned back to face Brian, forcing herself not to think about how she screamed and yelled at her husband last evening until he just turned around and walked out of the house holding onto the arm of Steve; ---This would  be 'showing' by writing out the scene and dialogue.

This is all I can do right now.  I hope you will take the time to clean this up, as practise makes perfect. lol.  I just wish that the folks who were here when I first joined were here now to help.  I learned a lot, but I'm not qualified to give the kind of help they used to give.  Do take the time to re do this and let me know when you post the edited piece. I will take the time to go over it agian.

love, LinnAnn

 I am re-wriitng and updating my story which is called: Family Illusions, located in the Novel forum.

 

That was great.  It goes at a breathtaking speed, like a mental mutter, and somehow I thought it sounded slightly... humorous.
     I would insert a hyphen to produce "one-horse", and perhaps for a touch of suspense, em-dash and drop Voila! to another paragraph.

...pills and--
     Voila!...

I think Lilypad's comments were right on!  Quick, to the point and it gets you right away!

love, LinnAnn

mm... I've actually never eaten one...

Myself, I think the original pills line had a better whaddyacallit, rhythm?  Just a personal preference, though.

It does bring up a grammatical question I have: is it better to say "flows a little smoother" or "flows a little more smoothly"?  I've always leaned toward the latter, but then again, I've always been unsure.